As hypersensitive, you can often feel bad. We can't manage our relationships (whether they are friendly, in love, or professional). And that's because you feel too different. Sometimes even we are accused of being so different. It weighs on us. We even regret being Highly Sensitive Person Because we thought we'd be happier if we were "normal." In fact, what you miss is to understand that they are the laws of a happy life for a hypersensitive person. That's what I'm going to do in this article of Connect The Dots. Let me introduce you to the five laws of happy hypersensitives.
My name is Paul and my hypersensitivity was detected more than ten years ago now. Today I share what I have learned to help the new ones.
NB: This article is the transcript of the video above
So just a little word before we start. Know that I offer you a free passhypersensitivity testwhether you are a hypersensitive person or not. For that, you just have to register right below.
1. Hypersensitive people need to rethink the definition of happiness
So the first law for the happy hypersensitive is that you need to rethink the definition of happiness. I'll explain. The current definition we have is something that is deeply rooted in us. We can imagine happiness at Disney. It means everything's fine, everything's fine, it's flat. Kind of like what I tried to represent there.
There are no waves. We're always happy, quiet. In hypersensitive people, you know, we can't stay flat like this. And that's what's wonderful! Our curve is more like this, that is to say with very high from very low.
Lots of times in the day. We alternate all the time. And again that's what's wonderful. It made me think of a quote from Alfred Hitchcock that says, "Life is not just breathing, it's having a breath cut." Personally, looking at these two curves, we realize that it is our hypersensitive breaths that are cut more than Disney's breaths! And doesn't that mean we have more rich lives? Isn't that happiness?
In my opinion, hypersensitive people have a different way of being happy. A way that is not Disney, but a way that is especially real and more realistic. You live life very intensely and that's what's beautiful. Once again we have very highs and sometimes very lows. But every time you get up, you continue, and you live life.
2. Hypersensitive: Learn to say no
Second law for happy hypersensitives: learn to say no. So we're going to talk about another Disney myth, a myth that is rooted in our home.
There we have two people. The good man says yes to everything, he's a naive caulia and sometimes gets walked on. Then there is the wicked one, who is very machiavelic, comes to his ends, and says "no". The reality is far from being so sharp. The world is not white or black. There's not "good people" and "bad people", we're all a little in the middle. Except that hypersensitive people have a lot of trouble because they are convinced that we have to stay nice all their life. So you should say "yes" to everything. In addition, when you say "no", you do pain to each other, you see and feel this penalty because you are very empathies. But in reality saying no is not at all bad or perverse. It also means knowing how to protect yourself. If you think for two seconds, is it better to accept everything is finally to do nothing or do it wrong? For example, if you are at the office and are always asked to do many optional things and you say yes to everything. After a while you don't have time to do everything. Everything you've agreed to is going to be wrong, or done late. It's not necessarily much better. That's why I learned to say no regularly. Like that when I say yes I'm sure I'm getting into the thing I said yes to. Others can expect me to do things right.
3. Hypersensitive people need to study their negative thoughts
The third law to be hypersensitive happy is to study your negative thoughts. To explain a little, as hypersensitive we have antennas that capture things. These antennas are bigger. We get more things around us, more stimuli. As a result, we see and analyze things that others do not see because they are captured and perceived. That's what makes (in bulk) you're more sensitive. Our detector is sharper if you like. Based on this information and stimulation, so from this situation, our brain begins to think. Our thoughts are looping. We're constantly analyzing. And generally this loop of thoughts ends up producing a conclusion that is often negative, like susceptibility.
For example, there's someone who doesn't say hello in the morning at the office. Most people wouldn't have even been caught that we got ignored. But we do. We're getting him. We analyze, we think too much, and it really hurts us deeply. We have a lot of questions. Does this person not like me? Did I do something wrong? What happened? As a result, we get vexed and this is the susceptibility that comes. In fact, we got a little injured on our own with our own conclusions. So what you have to do when there's something like this, is take a step back and study this cycle of thoughts. Hypersensitive people feel things very strong (and again it's good) but sometimes we have conclusions that are wrong. Maybe the person just didn't say hello because she was in a hurry, badly awake, sad on her side with a problem... we don't know. It's not always about us. We're hyper sensitive, we get everything, but we're not necessarily the center of everyone's world.
4. Hypersensitive must create a hard core of friends
Fourth law of happy hypersensitives: you must create a hard core of friends.
Because we're hypersensitive, we need friendly relationships. In fact we need privacy, proximity to others. We're social people anyway. Even if we can be afraid of the outside world, we need these interactions. But sometimes we get hurt because others treat us badly. We find them a little cold, distant. Once again it's our hyperperception. One can perceive in a somewhat disturbing tone of voice, a reaction that is not captured, one can draw injuring conclusions. My advice on this is to try to stop being friends with everyone. Instead, we need to focus on a hard core of friends, a few rare people, and cultivate these relationships. It takes a long time to be friends with people (finally rather to maintain the relationship) so you don't have to have too much because you can't see the time to have good relations with everyone. That's not possible. We have 24 hours like everybody else. Better have few friends but good ones, than many less good ones. And besides, having few friends but good ones, they're people we'll know well and who'll know us well. So we'll be better at interpreting certain situations and not letting ourselves be in negative spirals. While there are plenty of people we cannot know everyone perfectly and not everyone can know us. And there you can get caught by people who don't really know and who don't.
5. Not everyone has the same needs as a hypersensitive
And finally fifth and last law for happy hypersensitivity: realize that not everyone has our hypersensitive needs. I'll explain. Hypersensitive people have strong needs of accuracy, beauty, cleanliness, for example. We love things that are fair, well made and beautiful. It's not really that we love, it's almost that we need it. We are very sensitive to the beauty and accuracy of the world. Everything that surrounds us must come within that framework. But this is not the case for everyone. Some who put their preferences elsewhere, on other features. And we may tend not to understand that they have different needs and ambitions than ours. So (sometimes) one can behave as small leaders or even dictators.
I will give you an example to illustrate my remarks. Imagine whether you're at work or at school and you have to file a file. So it's a work file, homework, whatever you want. We, as hypersensitive we're going to make it a great, a cared, worked, precise, really he's going to fit into what we love. That is to say, we'll almost connect him, take care of him, and he'll be beautiful. We'll take care of the whole presentation. On the other hand, there is another person (our colleague or our classmate) who made another one. It is not especially dirty but it is not super treated either. Above all, it is concise and efficient with ballpoints. It's a work without presentation, which just goes right to the point.
And this person (so our colleague, our friend) asks us our views on his file to him. Our first reflex could be to behave as a dictator by explaining that it's lame, that it doesn't look like anything, because our prism, what's important to us, is that it's beautiful, that it's clean, whereas it's not what it is to him. Second, we can understand that he has different needs and ambitions (including efficiency and brevity) and consider that in that case he is fine. Basically, the essential information in the file is there. This is really the presentation that is different. We must not blame others for not being interested in the same things, for not putting important things on the same things as us. You really have to learn to formulate what you think, what you feel, to put the relationship at the heart of the discussion. Here, for example, it can be not to be mean to the other's file, but to realize that the files are worth, both contain interesting information, it's just the form that is different. And that its form for it is important, at last this effectiveness that it has put on is important.
Bonus
If you wish, know that I am organizing a free challenge "three days to connect to its hypersensitivity". It is a quick mini training in which you will learn to differentiate if your emotions from those of others, to manage and evacuate your emotions. You can register right above. Otherwise do not hesitate to continue viewing my videos or to subscribe!
