Good morning, everyone! I'm just giving you a little intro because in this video we're going to talk about the consumption of substances that are illegal in France (and obviously not to consume at all). If you ever need to be accompanied, don't hesitate to call Drugs-Info-Service at 0800 23 13 13. Otherwise, since it is a somewhat sensitive subject the person who wanted to come testify will remain anonymous. You won't see his face but just an illustration image. It's also a subject I've been wanting to deal with for some time following the messages you send me and my personal experience. It's something quite present in the world of gift and so I decided to go ahead in this video. You have to know that YouTube will not monetize it so I really do it with good heart. Here you go, I say good visioning!
NB: This article is the transcript of the video above
Hello everyone, thank you so much for being here again. Today I have the pleasure of welcoming a little zebra who chose to talk to us about a somewhat special subject. I'll let you introduce yourself.
"Then my name is Azilis. I recently discovered that I was a zebra by chance in fact. Well, I had a little bit of a chip in my ear, but I didn't believe it. The subject I wanted to address is addictions, especially ca**abis. Because when you are a zebra here you have the thoughts that go in every direction, a lot of trouble channeling them, and it's true that I tasted and it calmed down. After that... It was just an experience in fact. I was sleeping. But that's not the solution either. You have to learn how to channel your thoughts, something that I don't yet happen by myself because I discovered only a few months ago that I was a zebra at the detour of valorizing my professional image following a training course to be a consultant in professional integration. It is true that this training was a little shaken because the methods used were not suitable and I felt a little out of step with the rest of the team. It was a total upheaval for me this training to be a job integration counsellor. It's meeting fragile audiences. And so it was this emotional dimension that upset me. Being Highly Sensitive Personand hyper-emotional here... Well, then what was my point? I've gone a little too far, I think!
– What did your consumption do about your way of thinking, about the possible relaxation?
– It allowed me to channel myself and think of one thing at a time. But I was deepening it. It was deep without limits!
– But you stayed focused on the same thing.
- Yeah on the same thing. But I went too far. I was going around and then it was better. It was "hop" something I could remove from my head and after thinking about something else. It is true that I think a lot a lot and too much. I'm less in action. All risks are assessed. I can't make a decision without evaluating everything, without profit/risk... it's complicated. But good
I'm in learning. It's very recent for me so I'm learning. I'm learning my behavior, my way of being.
– And today, where are you at?
– It stays temporary when I feel submerged. Notably here I did the one-year training of CIP (Professional Insertion Advisor) but I did not go until the exam because I was panicked. Fear of failure. I finished the training but 15 days before the exam I fell into depression. I was too overwhelmed with emotions and I couldn't get to the end. I am resumed at the January session. It left me another year to learn even more. Because it's actually an insertion puzzle. And I my puzzle was bigger than the others so I needed more time to assimilate everything because there are so many components in this job that I needed everything at hand. So it took more time. And then I didn't have my consumption! So I was very scattered. My trainer told me " Azilis stop dispersing, re-focus !" Yes, but if they don't tell me how to do it, I don't know!
– I don't have the manual! Did this consumption give you any negative side? I've been eating a lot for a while and I noticed that I was having a lot of anxiety attacks. And since I stopped it, it's been very calm.
– So the anxiety attacks I've always done since little. After that cut me off. I was cut off from the world. I was actually self-apologizing. But I was more active. Since I was thinking a little less I was more in action. Especially things I don't like to do. I did it without thinking. So yes there's pros and cons, but like everything, like drugs. But it's sure it's not a solution. You have to learn to channel yourself in fact.
– And how did you get started?
– So in fact I was with a narcissistic pervert (I knew later). For him I was too much in my mind. How can I say that? What I thought was lame. I was going all the way. He wasn't following me. He was denigrating me. That's the loss of confidence! It was a refuge for me too. It was a refuge. I was in my head and at least nobody could bother me. It was to actually lock up. I couldn't stand this life anymore and I didn't have the keys to get out. But I thought about it a lot and I found the exit (with losses and crashes!). Then it's true that it was available. So he had everything at hand.
– It complicates the task. Luckily I had money problems, it helped me!
– And then one day, the next, I got out of it without a miss. It was an experiment.
– It was intense.
– That's it! As long as you do the same thing to the end!
– Might as well do it at 200%!
- There. And then we move on. Because then there was alcohol to let it go.
– Is that a replacement?
– Yeah, right. I found myself single. I went out a lot and drank a lot. It was a let go in fact.Even though I am a very open person, I had no more barriers. I could make a lot of meetings and I couldn't have this barrier to ask a lot of questions and will they reject me? Is...? I didn't ask any more questions at all. It wasn't me anymore. And then the same I stopped. It lasted a while and I saw it wasn't the way I wanted to go.
– It's good you get out every time! When my high potential was detected, my therapist warned about all these addictive behaviors. She said that usually high potentials tend to rush on to try to pause their brains. It allows you to put him on a break, and instead of thinking about 17 things at the same time you focus on one (or even cut it a little bit). And it's true that they feel good about smoking. It cut my emotional side a lot. I was like a veil and I felt them less. And as soon as I stopped a little for a few days or weeks, I felt like I had a quick casserole coming out. I was panicking, and I was diving back.
– Yeah, that anesthesia a little bit emotions. We're no longer an emotional ball.
- Exactly. We're a vegetable (I don't know if it's better).
– But we're good at it! But that's not the solution either. We have to accept. There I am in this process of acceptance and so I went back to all my schooling, where it screwed up.
– When you stop, you open your eyes to everything that happened. Makes a new eye.
– Then there was anger too. But why didn't we see him? Why did we leave me behind? Why didn't we see that potential? I wasn't happy and now it's getting better and better. I accept it. I'm better. I feel better, and without taking anything! But without help has on the other hand. I wish I had been helped, but the doctors when I was talking about them told me to go and take antidepressants. For me it wasn't the solution. I took a week and I was completely soft. I was a mature, well-aged vegetable. A ripe tomato! I didn't like the state it put me in. Antidepressants cut everything. I didn't extend the experience. Sleeping pills like I didn't sleep. I had sleep problems. And the same sleeping pills I didn't like the feeling it gave me. So that too I stopped very fast. For medicine the solution is to stuff with hidden and no longer to think.
– You have to have the chance to run into good doctors. But as everywhere, not everyone is nice.
– No, they're not actually listening. They must have a quota of drugs to supply and be connected to pharmaceutical groups, but that's another subject...
– That we're not going to talk about here or I'm going to get scolded by YouTube. Let's focus! Anyway I'm really happy if now the addictive behavior is a little more calmed.
- Yes, I'm living again. Being yourself is nothing better in the end.
– Now I totally agree!
– We have to make him accept that it's still hard with others.
– It's the second step!
– That's right. One blow you're too emotional, too passive and too active, that's all and its opposite. It's hard to get accepted. I always want to change the world so I go in ideas... they say to me " Why are you so far away? ?". I don't know. Why do you just stop at one point of view? There are so many.
– Thank you very much anyway for agreeing to participate.
– You're welcome, I hope it will shed some light.
– In my opinion it's good because it's going to start opening up the theme of these addictions. It's something I wanted to talk about, but I didn't know how. In my opinion this video will be a first stone in this direction. That's gonna open up a little bit of the talk on this, so for that I'm super happy!
- Good. Maybe it's a little harder when it's a woman. Addictions are more taboo in women.
– I don't know, why? In what sense?
– Women hide more than men. And all the studies that are done are on man. There are very few representative women. We have to change that too. It's not just man's own.
– Everyone has the right to his addictions.
– Women too have a brain and have the right to think!
– Well, thank you so much again for jumping up and coming, and then I'll tell you very soon!
– Okay, I'll follow you!
– Like everybody else!
