Hello! Today we're going to talk about the nine main difficulties I've had in my life.adult zebra.
If you are a High potential, read this article carefully because I will explain what I have done to overcome them.
I decided to make this article because many of the gifted people I'm talking to talk to about their problems and here I wanted to gather all the answers to these questions.
My name is Paul, and my high potential was diagnosed more than ten years ago now. Today, I share what I learned to help new zebras accept and understand their gift.
1. Ignore its high potential
So the first reason that can cause a zebra to fail is simply when it is not aware of its potential. In fact, we see that we have atypical and completely different functioningIt is essential to be aware of his gift to live it better. If we don't know we have a Ferrari in the garage we'll never use it. In my case, for example, it is only after being detected that I have really been able to put order in my life.
2. Reverse Pygmalion Effect
The second reason that pushes to failure is what I called Inverse of the pygmalion effect. I don't really know if it has a name. Basically the pygmalion effect for those who don't know is the idea that if one believes in our own success it will happen. It's a little self-fulfilling prophecy. Here we are on the opposite side of that effect. This is going to be at school, for example, when we try to get to the level of others. We pretend we don't know the answers to melt into the mass by thinking that maybe we'll end up not knowing them. You see the idea?
Me it was always true at school and mainly at college where it was really bad seen (it wasn't "stylish") to be a little intellectual. I was always told I was a "ball." So "ball" apparently meant intellect. And so I hid my desire to be a good student, while I loved learning, I loved school. But it was necessary to hide this desire and love for learning to make friends. A little sad though...
3. No focus
Point 3 is the fact that the high potential is multipotential. So he's having a hard time focusing on something. We always have too many ideas, too many projects, it's a fireworks! Thanks the tree thought. We're going all the way, but we're not doing anything. We're a little stuck. We have projects in mind, but in the end we don't get ahead.
For example, just for this blog Connect The DotsYou have no idea how many projects I have. But I don't have time to do that. I only have 24 hours in a day like everyone else. And next to that blog, I've got a lot of other projects, a lot of things I want to do. I often feel that my new ideas and but new projects are coming faster than possible. After a while it blocks. There's a plug. I have too many new ideas coming up.
A piece of advice I have to give you in relation to this is really learning to prioritize what you do. We must give ourselves a priority task (maximum two) and only do things that support this idea. For example in the case of this blog (to talk very honestly), what you need to do for now (as I am at the very beginning) is to make it known. I have to win traffic. That's why I'm doing a lot of articles and videos. I've got a lot of other things I want to do on it, but if they don't fit in with a view to winning traffic and finding my readers I don't do them. I'll keep them for later. I write them down, but I'm not doing it right now.
So it's really this idea to know its purpose, the direction in which we want to go, and to take one or two tasks and do only that one.
There's an adage of Erasmus on this theme, it's "he who runs two hares at a time does not take any". If you try to do it all at once you won't succeed. Even if you're a zebra, even if you like to think we're gonna make it. No. We need to focus.
He who runs two hares at once does not take any.
– Erasmus
4. The gifted adult seeks perfection
The fourth point is that the gifted is always in search of perfection. I think it comes from several reasons.
The first is that we are hypersensitive persons, but also hypersensitive to what surrounds us and beauty and so more or less perfection. That is, we love things when they are beautiful, when they are perfect, when they are well done. And we're very sensitive to all the little details.
At the same time, we seek perfection because we are very afraid of others' eyes. "Logically", if one is perfect, others have nothing to criticize and so feel better. That's how I interpret it. And the result of this is that we're very stressed people and we're putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to fight the eyes of others. But also we remain completely inactive because perfection does not exist. We're waiting for the right time to start a project or do something. Except the right time is still now. There will never be a better time. We need to move a little.
Personally I really had a lot of trouble with that. I am a very stressed person (as you think!) and I always question everything. It's a real mess.
Still, here are some tips I found. Reflecting on my fear of others' eyes, I realized that the greatest criticism I had about me always came from me. It's in my head. My biggest enemy is me. No one ever told me things as bad as I said myself to myself. Do you realize that there's nobody who said something like that about you (at least I don't hope). In my case in any case I was really the meanest myself to me. It wasn't the others. So from there I thought " Shut up, Paulo!« .
And the second point is the proverb " is better than perfect" . As I said, perfection does not exist. It's an endless fight. Finally, we're just pushing back the deadline. And finally, we don't. But it is better to do something that is done, which is certainly imperfect, rather than waiting and not doing the thing so that it is perfect. In my case for example it was very hard at the beginning to post my videos or some articles. I wanted to do Hollywood productions, but it wasn't possible. I don't have time. And then I think the heart of the message is there. So it's safe that it could be done even better, but one in the other and what it's not better to do that way so that I have time to do more? I don't know. Anyway, I took the bet to tell me that it's better if I post the simpler videos. I'm trying to make little diagrams, Powerpoints, to make it a little more interactive. It's the middle ground I found. I think you can always find a balance in what you do.
5. Procrastination in Zebra
Fifth point: the procrastination which is really very important, very present at least, in high potentials. It is linked to my opinion (1) to the fact that we are seeking perfection and that we are therefore inactive, and also (2) to the lack of focus. That is, we can't find a good idea, and when we find one we want it to be perfect, but then we don't do it because we expect it to be perfect.
And in parallel to that I think that (3) the gifted have a lot of organizational difficulties especially because they go in every direction. I find that there are very few tools that can reflect the functioning of my brain. I tried Evernote, I tried to send emails, I tried Apple Task Manager... I think there's nothing that can get me to work the way I think.
Despite all this, I still have few organizational difficulties. Now I work a lot with Notion, I don't know if you know. It's really great because it's totally flexible so we do what we want. But even before Notion I have always been very organized, manic limit. And that's why I think I focused on organizing events or managing projects. I really love to manage a lot of things at the same time and make them as clear as possible and especially to anticipate the galleys that can happen. I love each other's thing.
But despite everything out of the event part I still don't procrastinate a lot – at least much less than before. I noticed that when I did the chores and fell on it, it freed me from the available brain space. I stopped thinking about saying " Paul, you have to do this. You have to do this." . In fact, by doing them, it really allows me to think about something else and free myself from the brain – from space in the brain at least. And that (this feeling of freeing me from tasks and not thinking about them all the time) I think it's a lot more enjoyable than telling me that you have to do them hoping to do them in a perfect way.
6. Difficulties in stopping thinking
The sixth point that makes life of zebras difficult is the difficulty to stop thinking you must have noticed your brain thinks 24/7. This can be really difficult to manage. I've had it for a long time. What made it possible to manage it is that instead of trying to stop thinking (which is in my opinion impossible, and also this is what makes our peculiarity and therefore our beauty), it is better to manage it. Control Our tree thought Instead of stopping her completely. And so I started meditation. I've been doing it occasionally for several years, but since the beginning of 2021 I started doing it every day (this is my good resolution of the year).
For the moment, I have incredible results! I am increasingly able to channel my thinking in times when I feel that I am overflowing, that I am not controlling anything anymore and that my brain is boiling completely. Sometimes I feel like I can get out of the flow of thoughts to look at it. So I take a step back and it's resting.
7. Adult zebra has trouble relaxing
The seventh point is the difficulty (or on difficulties) for the gifted to relax. So I'm talking about relaxation. Physical like relaxation mental or morals. We're always full. We need to be 100% busy our day, every second used. And besides, pay attention to burnout or depression that can happen faster than we think simply because we don't know our limits. We think that we can always push, go further, and then suddenly we get a burn-out in the head and then it's gone.
Before, if I had an evening without anything planned I was thinking all day. I had to find something to do. On my calendar, I was blocking slots. It had to be completed even if it was to note tasks that did not really work. Just having the feeling of being overbooked pleased me. I think I needed it.
I wonder if this quest for a hyperactive life is not related to the fact that it allowed me to occupy the brain and not be alone in thinking. I don't know. It's a lead to study.
Today, I think the containment that has been going through for a year has done a lot of good. I was very stressed at first because I was in part unemployed at 100% of the time. I had no more work to do my days, I was locked up in a small Parisian studio and I really panicked the first two weeks. Now I see it pretty well and I can tell myself that it's no big deal to slow down the pace. I feel that I have really made great progress on this point for a year.
8. Sleep disorders and doubt
Eighth point: sleep disorders, which I believe are linked to the two preceding points. Since we think all the time, even when we have to fall asleep, well it's very hard to fall asleep. Besides, we're always full of projects. I know that if I had a very interesting project all day and I'm all excited about it, at night I'm just gonna think about it and it's gonna be impossible for me to sleep.
The solution I've found is (1) meditation that helps me a lot because I happen, when I'm really too invasive, to channel myself.
But if not (2) in the evening I really have a process, a series of actions, relaxing habits, over a few hours before going to sleep. When I launch this mechanism and these successive habits, this ritual, my brain understands that we have to go to bed. It's a little for everyone, but it's really long in my house. I usually start my little sleep cycle around 7:00 to get to sleep around 11:00. And if I ever change my schedule, do something else, you can be sure that here I'm really going to get to sleep.
Also, I am Very sensitive to noise. There really must be no noise (and it's not easy in Parisian life!). My dream would be to sleep in a soundproof box. That I would love! As for the light, I see many people who tell me that they need to be in total darkness. I'm not at all. Finally, there should not be too much light either, but I like it when there is a little light. That way, I can spot myself when I wake up at night. Otherwise, if I wake up and I don't know where I am anymore, I panic and don't really go back to sleep.
Anyway, it's really up to you to see, but I do this: a little light, a minimum noise, and a little ritual before sleeping for several hours.
9. The hyperempathy of the gifted adult
And finally the ninth and last point is hyperempathy. Not in the emotional and sentimental side, but rather in the sense that we see where others are going to come from. It is the proper hypersensitive brain.
It's probably done that to you when you're talking to someone. At the end of two sentences you already know where he wants to go and how the discussion will end. You still have three, four, five moves ahead. So we can get bored by talking to people because we need to move on. There is no need to make 40 sentences to say an idea, you have to synthesize.
I mean, that's what it feels like. Sometimes I have social difficulties with this because I always finish the sentences of others. When they take too long to explain something I tell them to speed up. I need it to go faster and get it out of hand. I can quickly get bored when I'm at table with friends or I'm going to a party. Very quickly I can find out how this is going to happen. I see the end, there's no more surprise, there's no more excitement, there's no more interest in being there what. So I'm waiting for the end, and it's very sad.
My advice is always (when I see friends for example) try to do it through a new activity. I explain: I'm not going to have coffee at someone's place because I know how coffee goes, I know how to finish the discussion. But we're going to do something I don't know. That way, I'm going to find excitement in this new activity and it's not going to bother me to discuss things I see coming a little.
I don't know if it's too clear, but for example going to a restaurant where I know the menu, even if I love the person I'm with, I'm not interested. I prefer to go to a restaurant that is totally new and will give me a new experience. Why? Because I will be hyper-excited from this new experience and eventually the discussion will be better.
Conclusion
Thanks for staying through. To go further I invite you to download my ebook on the High Intellectual Potential (above) that will help you understand how your gift works. You'll find him right below.
I took advantage before leaving us: I spoke about my method of organization and meditation. If you are ever interested in these topics do not hesitate to share it and I will make a video or article on it (I don't know yet). Right now it's not planned, but if you're interested, tell me and I'll take care of it. There! Bye.
