"The Gifted Adult: Learning how to be simple when you're complicated" by Monique de Kermadec – Summary and advice

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Written by Paul Dugué

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Today we're going to talk about "The Gifted Adult" of Monique de Kermadec. It is a cult book of the library of the gifted.

If you are a person with high potential, it will give you the direction to follow in the relationship with yourself. All based on years of work in his own psychological office. When I read it really reminded me of the path that we took with my own shrink a few years ago. Anyway, stay good until the end because we're gonna go back on it.

I am Paul de Connect The Dots, and my high potential was detected more than ten years ago now. Today, I share what I learned, what I understood about myself, to help the little new ones.

NB: This article is the transcript of the above video.

Who's Monique de Kermadec?

Monique de Kermadec is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst who specializes in High intellectual potentials. His book offers answers to the various questions that may surround the high potential and his patients (who were high potential) during his career. I warn you right away: I'm not necessarily going to unveil the entire book because I think it's not necessarily super cool with the author. We'll see the big ideas. The goal is to make you want to read it. I'll recommend it to you throughout the video because it's really top.

How to recognize a gifted adult?

The book is divided into six chapters that we will see. We start with the first who and "how do we recognize a gifted adult?". For that, there are two methods. First there is the quantitative method and then the qualitative method.

HP IQ Test

The quantitative method is IQ test. We usually use Wechsler in Europe, and we need more than 130. It is important to know that IQ (I repeat often) are not 100% reliable. They really need to be seen as a tool for the psychologist and not as the final exam as such. That is to say that it is something that will come to support the reflection, but it is not something that will come to decide this reflection.

In qualitative terms, the aim is to identify certain aspects that are characteristic of zebras:

  • The divergence of views: it is often said that high potentials are "wired" differently, and they have a divergent thought. Actually, they make connections that others don't make. They have different ideas, different views.
  • Sensitivity: these are people who are Emotionally hypersensitive as sensoryally.
  • The excitability is a great receptivity to what surrounds them. Their brains are overexcited by anything and it's hard to calm down.
  • The vision: What Monique de Kermadec calls "clairvoyance" and which I on blog I rather called extra-lucidity, in fact it is the high potential that perceives everything around it, and it constantly analyses it. As a result, he quickly found suitable solutions.
  • And finally perfectionism: the high potential is someone who needs to please, needs to be loved, and is sensitive to beautiful things. So he loves when everything is perfect.

Multiple intelligence theory

The second chapter focuses on the awareness of these gifts. Monique de Kermadec believes that the high potentials have four different intelligences. This is called multiple intelligence theory.

There is first of allcognitive intelligence, which is "classical" intelligence as one imagines. This is the one measured by the intellectual quotient test.

Then there's theEmotional intelligence measure with the emotional quotient.

Then relational intelligence: how one behaves in relation to others in society.

And finally creative intelligence.

So we can see that on this multiple intelligence theory that high potentials have these 4 intelligences, and well the IQ test (which only measures cognitive intelligence) does not really give a global view of all of this. That's why, according to Monique de Kermadec, it's very important to consult, talk, and not rely on the IQ test. It is really a whole job, a whole accompaniment and a whole global reflection around the person.

The misfortunes of the gifted adult

Chapter 3: Understanding the "problem" to control it. So I wanted to share a quote from Monique de Kermadec in the book I loved. It's " The highly gifted adult does not understand how the greatest number of people in the mediocrity, imperfection and shaming of organized entertainment to keep men from studying and the arts" . I love that quote.

The highly gifted Adult does not understand how the greatest number of the mediocrity, imperfection and shaming of organized entertainments to exclude Men from Study and Arts.

– Monique de Kermadec

In fact, it means high potentials are questioning everything, and all the time. They are people who do not support lies, hypocrisy or injustice. They give themselves in full in all their relationships (amicals, lovers or others) and they end up very generally disappointed because they give themselves more than the other. The gifted suffers from loneliness. They are extremely idealistic people and they do not like confrontation with the truth. Overall, all these questions that one can have and these somewhat divergent views may seem very eccentric from outside. That's why high potential is seen as someone different despite everything. He doesn't like the truth he sees. All this makes him very unhappy.

Adaptation strategies

So to combat these unfortunate feelings, the high potential puts in place coping strategies. They differ depending on whether or not he is aware of his gift.

If he doesn't know, he sets up what's called a fake self. I don't tell you too much, I'll come back on it right after (there's a chapter on it).

If, on the other hand, he is aware of his gift, he can put in place several strategies. Already what we need to know is that he is aware of and understands its functioning. And believe me, it's a crazy good thing! You feel less weird and less strange. We're just different, but we understand why; We put words on it. Then it can eventually form in society, i.e. it can melt into the mould, do it, and everything goes well. It's more or less what happened to me. Otherwise, it can also avoid contact with others. In fact, he suffers too much from this difference with others. He realizes that when he sees them. So logically he'll cut himself off from the others avoid contact. Usually he'll lock himself up either in the work, in his passion, or in something, but he'll really keep himself in. And otherwise he can join private clubs for the gifted. There are many clubs and associations that do this a little.

False Self and Deep Identity

Fourth point: the question of deep identity. That's where we go back to the fake self. So false self is to differentiate from real self.

In a few words, the real self is our deep identity. We really are.

The false selfIt's like a social mask we're gonna put on. It corresponds to social norms and is used to protect us. There are plenty of psychological theories on it (it could be a full video, but it's not the subject). Overall, the false self is there to protect us and to know how to behave in society. Everyone has this true and false self relationship. This means that, for example, we are not totally ourselves and natural in job interview. We put on this kind of social mask that says we have to behave like this. This is what makes society work.

The problem is that zebras are very affected as soon as they get a little criticism because of their hypersensitivity. It hurts them to see that they're different. So they tend to leave their real self hidden at the bottom of them and to express only this facade personality all the time. And that, never being yourself, is very bad.

Besides, Monique de Kermadec reports that it has serious consequences for health, stress, anxiety, neurosis, and even depression. What is annoying is that the gifted adult spends the rest of his life just to please the greatest number.

The first steps to change

Then we will see the fifth (and before last) chapter of the book: the reasons for consulting. The main reason is to understand each other. We know who we are, we know where we come from, why we do that, why we act like that, anyway, we understand each other.

Find your real self

Monique de Kermadec offers support in several stages. It's funny because it's more or less the steps I had done with my psychologist.

  • The first is to face his false self. We have to unravel the real thing about the fake, understand who we are, why we are like this, and who we pretend to be. It is a matter of distinguishing the two personalities.
  • Second, we must go beyond our sense of guilt in relation to what we do or fail to do with our high potential. That is to say, others may think that we have a gift, that we have missed something, that thing, and we have to devulpabilize ourselves from it.
  • Then, become aware of his fear of risk. We're very afraid to be wrong because we're afraid we won't be loved anymore. As a result, we block completely and it goes to the next point.
  • Dependence on approval: we need all the time to be validated by others so that they do not stop loving us, because we are afraid to lose them. And the same thing: we're blocking.
  • Then we have to agree to look back on his past and not be afraid to bring back memories that have wounded us and hidden.
  • Finally, it is necessary to consolidate self-esteem that has been put to the wrong end after these years of false self, and find who you are, learn to love.

The benefits of therapy

And finally I will conclude this article with the sixth chapter which is about the benefits of therapy.

First of all, therapy allows the high potential to understand each other and put words on his ills.

Then it allows him to find his real self and not hide behind a false personality.

And finally, it allows you to accept your difference and live well with yourself.

You'll understand, it's a book I really recommend. It is soured, and so we can go further on some themes that we want to deepen. And then Monique de Kermadec is really a reference in the middle of the gift. So I really recommend it!

You can get it directly by following the link (affiliated) above.

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Hello! I'm Paul. I come out of many years of international business studies that have brought me to a few years of experience in management and events and the creation of a company. What I love most is to experiment and test new things, understand what's going on. So I've always been very curious, read and learn a lot. In order to share my passion for personal development, I decided to create Connect The Dots (CTD). Good reading!